Thinking About Him
by I Slay Darkness With Belief
Summary: She looked at the people surrounding her and she remembered why she was going to have to wish him the best and to wait to join him under the stone.


**I am now Bubbles of Angst, and I used to be Curious Panther 87. I took a long break, but I'll be trying to update regularly from now on. Please bear with me. I'll update tomorrow, but here's my new (very short) one-shot. Reviews would be love- especially if they contain Constructive-Criticism. Please and thank you :)**

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><p><em>Fabian,<em>

I sat. And sat. And sat. My brain thumped to every second and the shear hatred I felt welled up inside of me, begging to burst out. How could I have let this happen? I always knew that you were the one who was perfect for me- always. And I let you go... I'm an idiot.

I sat back, squinting my eyes and forcing myself not to cry. I didn't even know anything yet.

_Fabian is going to walk through that door any moment, dammit. Quit getting yourself all worked up over **nothing**__._

As if something had read my mind, I heard a stern knocking at the door, and my heart lifted. Instantly, and I couldn't hear Tommy and Anthony goofing off in the background anymore. All I could focus on was opening that door and hugging my husband. And never letting you go. I would never let you go again.

I was shocked. I never wanted you to go there. I knew that all you were doing were peaceful protests, but it's a war-zone, and I should have never let you go. My constant protests had no effect, however. You're too good of a person, and I applaud you for that.

Fabian. Always trying to make a difference, put things together, find things out. Although it's really no surprise that you've always been there for me.

But when the two men came up to give me the letter, I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry _so badly_, Fabian. It hurt. It hurt that you weren't there to greet me with open arms. It hurt that I couldn't cry into those arms, and that I never would again. Never. It _killed me_.

I read the note, though. I read it, and I love it. It's _so like you_.

...

_Nina, love,_

_I love you, and I dearly hope you never have the unfortunate chance to read this letter. If you do- baby I'm so sorry. I didn't want... I don't want any of this to effect you. I'm really sorry. It pains me to write this, because a part of me wants you to know that I love you more than anything in the world. But another part never wants you to never have to spend a moment without knowing that I'm in full health..._

_If you do end up receiving this note... I'm so sorry. Please, do not blame this on anyone besides me. I love you Nina. Stay strong. Tell Tommy and Anthony that I love them. Tell Amber and Mick and Mara and Jerome and Alfie and Patricia and Joy and Eddie that I love them too. Along with my parents, your parents, our friends. Tell the world. I love you all._

_Another thing, Love. Don't ever let my passing stop you from living the life you deserve to have. As long as I'm not forgotten, as long as you know I love you no matter what, be happy. Even if that means moving on from me and finding someone who makes you happy. I just want you to know... I love you to Galaxy UDFj-39546284 and back again._

_Always thinking of you,_

_Fabian_

...

By the end of the heartfelt letter, I was in hysterics. The twins had gathered up next to me, hugging me and telling me that everything would be okay, and they didn't even know what was going on. I didn't have the heart to tell them until I calmed down.

It hurt to tell them why daddy wasn't there. Why daddy wouldn't be there anymore... They're really my rocks. We raised good kids. We really did.

I don't want to go into detail about that, though. You may be wondering why I'm writing this letter. Well, it's been about 6 months since you were gone... I just want you to know what I feel.

First of all: Fabian. There is no way possible that I'd be able to move on. Ever. Get that through your skull. It's just not going to happen. I mean, I couldn't do that to you... Maybe, someday, if it'll make you happy, if I find a guy _almost _as charming and good-looking and smart and funny and witty and with the same beautiful personality, who makes me happy- I'd think about going after him. Only if it'll make you happy. But don't count on it. There's nobody _anywhere,_ _half_ as amazing as you.

Second: I love you. Everyone loves you. We have the most amazing friends. We really do. We set up a tent and slept next to you for days. Everyone. Eddie and all, even though he wasn't as great friends to us as everyone else. But he makes Joy happy. He really does.

Third: Tommy and Anthony are _angels_. Tommy lost his first tooth, and Anthony broke his poor little finger. But they've been wonderful. They sleep in my bed to cuddle every night, because they... they don't want to lose me too. For their birthday, I got them a little brown hamster. Tommy and Anthony both decided on naming it Fabian. And sometimes they talk to it and pretend it's you.

I can't even believe it's been six months. It's been horrible without your smiling face very day. But I love you. And I always will...

Lastly before I go: I love you to around _Galaxy UDFj-39546284 _and back around it. I love how you can make me laugh in a letter, and how you probably knew the name of that galaxy off the top of your head, didn't you? You're perfect to me You always will be. Never forget me, no matter how amazing it is wherever you are.

Tell Sarah I say hi.

Always thinking of you,

_Love,_ _Nina Rutter_.

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><p>And a woman with streaming golden- brown hair and a black veil dropped the letter in front of the stone, six months after he was put to rest in that spot. She looked at the people surrounding her- the blonde boy who smiled at her bravery, the dashing curly-haired brunette holding his hand, another blonde boy with a tattoo of his old roommate, holding the hand of another girl with Sunkist hair and a purple and black sundress, a short joker boy, linked arms with the strong and brave character he would call his wife some day, along with two little boys in suits, holding their mommy's hands- and she remembered why she was going to have to wish him the best and to wait to join him under the stone.<p>

And they're still thinking about him.


End file.
